Alcohol and Love
by Selvanic
Summary: Drinking gets Envy in over his head and suffocating in emotions he never knew he had. EnvyxEd
1. Groggy Morning

_Oh my god! It's my first attempt at humor. So please, be kind. Once again, I'm playing with my favorite Fullmetal Alchemist couple, so there WILL be yaoi or shonen-ai or whatever you want to call it. Sorry if I seemed rushed, but I have to cram in all this typing amongst checking my e-mail, my DeviantArt and dodging my siblings and parents. It's tough._

_Oh, and all the copyright stuff applies. Characters aren't mine and so on. …Yeah. _

Groggy was an understatement. He quite literally dragged himself out of bed, flipping vagrant strands of emerald-black hair out of his face. He was still too tired to alter forms appropriately and hence shuffled into the nearby bathroom dressed only in his wrinkled skort.

He splashed cold water on his pretty androgynous face in an attempt to better wake himself. It didn't work. It simply succeeded in soaking the thick strands of hair that now obscured his view. Grumbling incoherently, he tried in vain to rid himself of the flamboyant veil before pulling the bathroom door open once again.

However, as he did so, he was met with something he didn't expect; something that brought him about to perfect alert consciousness.

The half dressed homunculus found himself face-to-face with a very unhappy colonel Mustang. His mind raced. Why was the colonel here? Or, maybe, the real question was, where was _he_?

"You," the angered human snarled, "Why are you in the military dorm area?"

Envy stared stupidly at Mustang. At least now he knew where he was. Shaking his head, he muttered tiredly, "I wish I knew…"

Apparently, Mustang hadn't heard him. "What are you planning, scum?" he demanded icily.

Glaring defensively, Envy retorted, "Nothing you suspicious bastard! I don't even know why the hell I'm here!!"

"Is that so?" the colonel hissed, "Then why don't you leave the way you got in?"

Rolling his eyes in frustration, Envy snapped, "What part of 'I don't know how I got here' doesn't seem to register with you?!"

The angered alchemist raised his gloved hand, fingers poised to snap. If the homunculus didn't know better, he'd have laughed at the rather harmless gesture. However, Envy was fully aware that it was anything _but_ harmless.

"Retrace your footsteps then," Mustang commanded coldly.

Scoffing, Envy brushed arrogantly past the colonel and let his feet take over. At least _they_ knew what they were doing.

It didn't take long for Envy's feet to work backwards, leading both homunculus and alchemist to the bed from which Envy had dragged himself earlier that morning. But the bed wasn't empty. Another person lay sleeping soundly beneath the covers. Suddenly, Envy remembered why he was there, and the shape shifter could _feel_ his face go red.

There, with arms curled beneath his pillow, lay Edward Elric. It was clear the young man didn't have a shirt on, but what _else_ he was missing couldn't be discerned. For various reasons, Envy was thankful for that. Mustang, on the other hand, was furious.

"Fullmetal!!" he practically shrieked, "What the hell is going on here?!?"

Ed woke with a start, immediately sitting up and looking around in confusion. Wiping sleeping from his large golden eyes, Ed muttered groggily, "Mustang? What are you doing in my room?"

"What am _I_ doing here?" the colonel sputtered angrily, "What am _**I**_doing here?! Why don't you tell me what _**he's**_here?!?"

Envy flinched slightly as Mustang stabbed an accusing finger in his direction. He hadn't _meant_ to be here this long. It was supposed to have been a 'get in, get it done, get out' sort of thing. Oh, Lust and Sloth were _so_ going to pay for this…if he got out of it.

The blond alchemist moved his sleepy, languid gaze from Roy to the rather embarrassed homunculus. Face flushing a brilliant scarlet color, Ed's jaw fell slack.

"Good morning," Envy greeted with a fleeting smile.

Ed's mouth opened and closed several times before he blurted, "Why are you still here?!"

"You invited him, Fullmetal?!" Roy looked about read to blow a blood vessel.

"N-no!" Ed quickly defended, "He kind of just…showed up last night."

Envy toyed nervously with his still damp hair. True, he'd simply 'shown up' last night, but not entirely of his choice.

He and the other homunculi – for reasons that now escaped his mind – had decided to 'have a few drinks'. Well, a 'few' became a lot and common sense deserted them all fairly easily. One of the others – or was it him? he couldn't remember – had decided it would be fun to play 'truth or dare'. And Envy, preferring to keep to himself about himself, had taken 'dare' every time. They were tame to begin with ( "take off all but one piece of clothing", "lick Wrath's foot", "steal one of Dante's bras", etc) until Lust decided to plot with Sloth. It was then that "I dare you to have sex with Fullmetal" came up. Envy, ever proud and refusing to lose or take 'truth – and wasted beyond better judgment – got up and declared he would. And he did. Quite passionately to boot. _How_, he couldn't remember, but apparently he'd passed out and forgotten to leave. The others probably thought Ed had killed him.

"And you let him _stay_?!" Roy continued to demand.

Ed was clearly getting fed up with Mustang's shouting. "Look, he didn't do anything wrong!"

"How do you know?!" the colonel pressed as if Envy wasn't there, "He could have stolen military files and given them to his partners!"

"I know because I slept with him!!" Ed replied sharply. However, judging by the color that stained his cheeks and the sudden movement of his hands to his mouth, he hadn't meant to.

Roy couldn't have looked more disgusted. "You did_ what_?!?"

Envy decided that the yelling had gone on long enough. His head was pounding enough as it was and all the shouting wasn't helping any. Gracefully sliding between Mustang and his Fullmetal chibi, the homunculus said calmly, "That's right. I made love to Edward last night. I didn't come here for your silly secrets or to kill any of your precious soldiers. I came here for him." Then, against what little judgment he had left, Envy turned and kissed Ed.

The small alchemist tensed momentarily, but quickly recovered, digging his hands into Envy's hair and pulling the homunculus into a much deeper, passionate kiss. Envy felt every cold, anti-social barrier inside him melt away. He was swooning like a love struck school girl, but he couldn't have given less of a damn. It felt so good, he couldn't even think of a reason to. However, a sharp, cracking, pain in his ribs proved a very good reason.

Envy yelped and stumbled away from his attacker. Roy's heavy military boot had made cruel angered contact with Envy's bare chest, easily breaking several of the shape shifter's ribs. Luckily, he healed quickly. That didn't mean it didn't hurt though.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Envy snapped, hands pressed defensively to his wounded chest.

Roy's eyes were pure hatred. "My problem?" he snarled, voice filled with cold, steely fury, "My problem, you disgusting homunculus, is the fact that _you_ are standing in _my_ headquarters after raping one of _my_ soldiers!! Now get out before I kill you!!!"

Envy snarled low in his throat, but chose not to push his luck. He was still hung-over and sleepy, and fighting a pissed colonel Mustang probably wouldn't go over very well. Scoffing angrily, Envy shifted forms to clothe himself before walking over and pulling open the chibi's window.

However, before taking his leave, Envy looked over his shoulder at the fuming Flame Alchemist and sneered cynically, "Thank you_ so_ much for the hospitality. I'll be sure to tell the others _all_ about how you generously let a homunculus leave 'your' military H.Q. alive." He then launched himself gracefully from the window to the pavement below, easily altering forms to disappear. Now that he was out of there, heads were going to roll.

_To Be Continued…_


	2. Going Back

_Yay! Chapter two! faints I need to sleep more. I've been writing, drawing, or playing Pokemon Yellow on my gameboy all night. That's just sad. And then I wake up early to watch Wimbledon. I'm borderline pathetic. Or…my life is at least. Oh well. I get to post my stories, ne? _

_So, here it is, the second installment. More talking than anything, but the other chapters WILL get better, I promise._

The flustered homunculus made his way back to the underground mansion fairly quickly. Dante had left that morning to go play her game of 'innocent maiden' in an attempt to find more powerful alchemists ripe for manipulation. That meant the homunculi had the run of the place for at least the next couple of weeks. It also meant Envy had time to clear up the mess he'd gotten himself into before Dante found out.

Throwing the heavy doors open angrily, Envy's narrowed violet eyes sought out the first victim. Why was it always Wrath?

"You!" he snapped at the youngest homunculus, "Where's Sloth?!"

Wrath stared at Envy for a moment, a combination of shock and fear on his ever childish face. Finally, he called out, "Mommy! Envy's alive and not very happy!"

"Oh dear," Sloth's placid voice responded from the room to the right, "I guess that means I owe Lust twenty dollars after all."

Great. They were betting on him now. Storming past Wrath and into the large sitting room to the right of the foyer, Envy locked his fury onto Sloth.

Sloth was seated quite casually on one of the large couches, sipping a cup of tea like the dignified woman she was. Without looking up, she asked, "So, did you do it?"

"Of course I did it!" Envy yelled indignantly, "And it sure as hell wasn't worth it."

Sloth placed her cup down and stared at Envy, eyes filled with innocent inquiry. "The sex was bad?"

Mouth working before his mind, Envy retorted, "No! Dealing with Mustang was!"

"That's what you get for staying," Lust's silken voice came from behind. "You should just be grateful that both Fullmetal _and_ the colonel didn't kill you."

Envy scoffed, absently listening to the sound of Lust's heels clicking against the stone floor. She was right. That _both_ alchemists had let him live was pretty lucky. But he wasn't about to tell her she was right. Lust was the _last_ person who needed an ego boost, especially from Envy.

"Alright, now I'm curious," Sloth's voice cut into Envy's thoughts, "Just how did you do it?"

"Huh?" Envy replied less than intelligently.

Lust frowned slightly at him. "How did you manage to have sex with Fullmetal? Did you just rape him or something?"

"No!" the shape shifter answered defensively. He could feel the damn blush on his usually pale cheeks again. "He just kinda…went along with it after a while."

Sloth laughed softly. "Envy, dear," she giggled, "If you looked half as cute as you do now, he probably fell in love with you."

"Shut up!" he snapped, face heating up further.

Shrugging elegantly and ignoring Envy's outburst, Lust added, "I'm willing to bet it was just Edward's hormones. He _is_ a teenager after all, and if Envy advanced quickly enough, Fullmetal's sex drive probably just took over."

"Shut _up_!" Envy repeated loudly.

"Aww," Sloth teased, "Don't like us making fun of your boyfriend?"

Shaking his head and cursing viciously under his breath, Envy retorted, "Look, it was one night, ok? _One_. It's not like it'll _ever_ happen again. I just wasn't about to lose a silly game. I still hate the damn chibi. Now can we _please_ move on with things?"

Lust flipped some vagrant hair over her shoulder and smiled mockingly. "We're sorry Envy," she said so calmly it scared him, "We've just never seen you get so worked up about something before. It's amusing."

"Maybe for you," he snorted, "Now why don't we just let it go and discuss more important things. For example, what's the plan for today?"

The two female homunculi stared at each other for a moment before Sloth replied, "Well, actually, the plan is _still_ to manipulate the Fullmetal Alchemist into creating the Philosopher's Stone for us."

"And seeing as you managed to sleep with him and survive…" Lust mused aloud.

Envy cut her off before any suggestions could be made. "No! No, no, no!! I am _not_ going back there today! Mustang is totally on my case right now, and if I risk going back, he'll probably tear me apart!"

Cocking an eyebrow, Lust teased, "Scared?"

"Normally, no. But with him _deliberately_ watching out for me, yes." Envy crossed his arms, hoping what he'd said was finalizing enough.

"Envy, you're our best chance right now," Sloth pointed out 'matter-of-factly'.

The shape shifter simply frowned at her.

Lust had clearly had enough of him. "Knock it off, Envy. Being watched has never bothered you before. You're only acting like this because you're afraid to see Fullmetal again."

"I am NOT afraid of chibi-chan!!" Envy spat angrily.

And hence, the homunculus found himself walking _back_ toward the military headquarters. Damn his dignity! If he wasn't such an egomaniac he wouldn't _be_ backtracking. But no. He had to prove Lust wrong. Oh, she was going to pay for this, much worse than she had for his last humiliation (not that he'd actually done anything, but he'd considered it.)

As the large building loomed up ahead, Envy made the easy transition from 'citizen' to 'military personnel'.

"If this ends in

"If this ends in _any_ kind of pain," Envy grumbled as he elbowed his way through the crowd, "I _will_ kill someone."

To Be Continued…


	3. Getting In

_Do you know how much I HATE having to handwrite everything out? It's awful! My house only has one computer in it (well, only one working one) and I can barely get on for more than an hour. Thereby, I have to write everything out on loose-leaf and then type it up whenever I can sneak onto the computer. I HATE IT! So, I'm buying myself a laptop…hopefully. Wish me luck!_

_Well, aside from that little rant, here's chapter three. Um…just for a quick warning: __**vulgar language will be used accordingly depending on Envy's mood**__. Yeah. Just thought I'd give everyone a heads up. If swearing bothers you, it's best not to carry on. Ok! On with chapter three!!_

Envy gained access easily enough and ran through Lust's plan once again. Step one, find chibi-chan; step two, get him alone; step three, seduce the alchemist to a point where he was wrapped around the homunculus' finger; step four, somehow con him into transmuting the Philosopher's Stone. It was painful how easy she'd made it sound. Sloth, on the other hand, had wished him luck, but insisted on coming up with a back-up plan. Lust's idea that Ed's infatuation had been strictly hormonal had obviously convinced Sloth that Envy was doomed. They were probably betting on him again too.

However, as the homunculus was lost in his own paranoid thoughts, Envy failed to hear the commanding voice attempting to get his attention. A rude and forceful grab at his shoulder, though, managed to snap Envy out of his reverie.

"I asked where you came from, soldier!" Mustang's voice demanded.

Envy frowned and turned to face and salute the colonel. "My apologies sir," the homunculus forced, "I was just…thinking."

Sighing and nodding, Roy continued much calmer, "So, then, just where did you transfer from soldier? I don't recognize your face."

"I came in from East City Headquarters, sir. I'm a new recruit and the president suggested I train here at Central. He said working under your supervision would be best." Damn, Envy was good at lying. He had that skill down to a fine art. He also knew for a fact that the president _was _currently in East City checking out the new recruits. After all, the president was a homunculus as well.

Roy seemed to think about what was said before nodding. "Fine then. Do you have any bags or do you have living arrangements already in place?"

"My bags are on their way, sir," Envy answered smoothly.

"Follow me to the dorm area then," the alchemist said, turning to walk down the hall.

As the two of them progressed, Mustang pointed out the areas he thought the 'recruit' ought to be familiar with. Envy couldn't have cared less. His concern was whether or not the colonel was suspicious of him. There was no way Mustang had forgotten about this morning's fiasco. Maybe this whole 'tour' was some kind of clever plot. But he couldn't just take off because if it wasn't, and Roy _didn't_ suspect anything, he'd throw suspicions on himself and his cover would be shot.

Once again, Roy's prominent voice brought Envy back to the real world. "And that brings us to the dorm area. The state alchemists stay in the dorms over that way, while you and the other soldiers will stay here. Room 702 is currently free and unlocked, so you can check it out while I get you your key." The colonel then turned and walked off, giving Envy one final pat on the back.

The shape shifter glanced around before shuffling down the hall. If this _was_ a trap, it was very cleverly thought out. And given the fact that Envy hadn't been gone very long, the odds of the colonel having the time to put something that elaborate together was slim to none.

Room 702 was nothing special. There was a window, a bed, a desk, a couple of chairs, and a closet. The floor was made of some sort of dark wood and the walls were in need of a new coat of paint. Basically, it was your everyday dorm room for one.

While Envy mapped out his location by memory, colonel Mustang returned with a couple of keys. "I forgot to ask you something soldier," Roy said as he handed Envy the keys.

"What is it sir?" the disguised homunculus inquired.

"I need your transfer papers. It's military policy."

Shit. Hadn't Lust said something like that? Or was that Sloth? Well, one of them had informed him _not_ to go as a new soldier because of all the paperwork. Sure, _now_ he remembered the advice.

"My…papers?" Envy squeaked, attempting to remain confident.

Mustang's brow furrowed at the hesitation. "Yes," he replied patiently, "Your transfer papers verifying your arrival, credibility, and position."

Suddenly, a beautiful lie presented itself. "Oh, yes, my transfer papers! Those are being sent along with my bags, sir. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, but my last colonel wasn't very good with paperwork. He said he'd simply send it along with the rest of my things. It shouldn't be more than a couple days."

Roy's unconvinced frown remained, but he nodded in spite of it. "I suppose that's alright," he mumbled, "But until those papers come in, I can't have you partake in any military happenings. You'll have to stay in the dorm area or the mess hall."

"Yes, sir!" Envy saluted like the good little soldier he was pretending to be. After all, he was only there for the dorm area anyway.

Roy gave a brief salute in return before walking out. Envy heaved a sigh of relief. He'd just earned himself two days, minimum, to accomplish what he'd come for.

Looking out his window, Envy quickly mapped out the fastest way to chibi-chan's room in his head. Perhaps this _would_ be as easy as Lust had made it sound.

Envy promptly shut and locked his door, opened the window, and made his way to Ed's room much like he had the night before. Luckily for him, no one was on the grounds to see him make the jump to Fullmetal's second floor window. And his luck continued as the window had been left open. Silly chibi-chan.

However, the small alchemist was not in his room, so Envy made himself comfortable. He reverted back to his preferred appearance and settled onto Ed's bed. He was perfectly content to wait.

One hour ticked by and Envy moved from sitting on the bed to lying on the bed. As the second one crawled on, Envy stared blankly at the ceiling, humming softly to keep from dozing off. As the final minutes of the third began – and Envy was preparing to leave – heavy footsteps could be heard in the hall. There was no doubt about it; Ed was _finally_ coming to his room.

The homunculus waited until he saw the first glimpse of blond before purring, "What took you, chibi-chan?"

To Be Continued…


	4. Foiled Again

_Ok, so I have to type up yet another bolded and underlined warning (I'm guaranteeing that no one can say "Hey! I didn't know that was coming! I've been scarred for the rest of my young life!!"…not that that happens often…) So, here it is; __**this chapter contains heavy yaoi content and all those opposed to such should skip it**__. There. Mind you, if you _do_ skip it, the rest of the story probably won't make much sense…I suppose you could just skip the scene. Whatever. _

_So yeah. Here's chapter four. Enjoy! Also, I apologize in advance for any lack of drama you may have been expecting._

Ed's footsteps ceased immediately and the only sound in the room was the faint noise drifting down the hall. It was almost unnerving. _Almost_.

Hesitantly, Ed peered around the door, as if to check if he'd really heard Envy. When the chibi saw the homunculus sitting on his bed, the alchemist gave a small squeak and ducked back behind the door.

"I saw you chibi-chan," Envy pointed out mockingly.

"Don't call me that!" Ed snapped from his hiding place, "What are you doing here anyway?"

Envy slid gracefully from the bed and moved silently to stand against the other side of the door. He then stood wait, knowing Ed would be bothered by the lack of response.

Sure enough, the awkward silence got the best of Ed as the alchemist glanced around the door again. As he did so, Envy easily caught Ed's wrist and forced him against the nearest wall. Lucky for him, he'd managed to catch Ed's automail, minimizing risk significantly.

"Envy!" Ed gasped, blushing furiously, "What the hell are you doing?!"

Using his free hand to rid the alchemist of his coat, Envy muttered into Ed's flushed ear, "What do you think I'm doing?"

Ed squirmed uncomfortably, attempting unsuccessfully to free himself. "Envy, stop!! You ca-…" The blonde's complaints were easily cut off as Envy claimed the chibi's lips possessively.

Groaning in forced protest, Ed's left hand clearly betrayed the teenager's intentions as it clawed at Envy's back in a desperate attempt to rid the homunculus of his shirt. Envy ignored the gesture, content on making Ed beg for it. The shape shifter moved his heated kisses to Ed's throat, all the while undoing the various buckles on the chibi's clothes. Ed was panting heavily, all former resistance having vanished. The alchemist was lost in the passion of the moment, just as Envy wanted.

The homunculus let Ed's right hand go, latching both hands to the slender human's waist. As Envy moved Ed up the wall, the alchemist instinctively grabbed onto Envy's shoulders, to blinded by pleasure to notice the homunculus shift away the remainder of his clothes. Envy easily freed Ed of his leather pants, having already stripped the alchemist once before.

"Envy," Ed choked out, "The bed."

Kissing the blonde's taut stomach, Envy muttered, "Can't, I'm too far already." And before Ed could argue further, Envy pushed himself into the young alchemist.

Ed cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, wrapping his arms completely around Envy's neck. Their bodies were pressed tightly together as the homunculus made fierce love to the smaller man. As he moved against his chibi, Envy nipped and kissed at Ed's torso. Yes, Ed was his. He had the alchemist wrapped around his finger (as well as several other parts of his body).

However, as their passion was reaching its peak, everything went to Hell.

"N…nii-san?!" Al's terrified voice practically shrieked.

Envy stopped immediately, violet eyes glancing slowly in the direction of the horrified inquiry. Sure enough, the doorway was filled with the large suit of armor Al's soul inhabited. The door. Right…he'd left it open…shit.

"Al!" Ed's face was the same color as the coat on that lay on the floor. "I-it's not what it looks like!"

Both staring incredulously at Ed, Envy and Al demanded in unison, "It's not?!"

Ed flushed further – Envy hadn't thought it possible to go so red – and stuttered pathetically. "Al, could you just close the door? Please?"

Ever the obedient younger brother, Al did as he was told, but remained as close to the door as possible. "Nii-san, what's going on?" Al asked, apparently having calmed his nerves.

Envy, uncomfortable with them talking while he was still _inside_ of one of them, carefully maneuvered himself until he and Ed were once again separated. He then altered forms for the sake of what little mental stability Alphonse had left, and took a seat on the cold wooden floor. Great. He'd now fucked Ed twice and been caught both times. Just freaking wonderful.

"Al," Ed started shakily after redressing, jarring Envy back to reality, "Envy and I…well…he kind of…I couldn't…it's complicated."

Obviously, that didn't clarify anything. "Are you two dating, nii-san? Because I'm ok with that."

"No!" both Envy and Ed answered hastily.

Al flinched.

Ed seemed to feel bad, and consoled, "It's hard to explain, Al. I don't really know what to say…" Suddenly, Ed's large eyes widened as if in discovery. Then the alchemist blurted, "Envy started it!"

The homunculus gawked in disbelief. Did Ed just try to blame him? How _dare_ he?!

Getting defensively to his feet, Envy snapped, "I did _not_!!"

"Yes you did!" Ed retorted, "You showed up last night and…"

"Last night?" Al asked quietly.

Envy ignored him. "Yeah? Well you didn't exactly push me away chibi-chan!!"

Temper flaring at the nickname, Ed returned, "I did too! But you wouldn't leave, you horny stuck up bastard!!"

"Excuse me?!" Envy practically yelled, storming over to stand in front of Ed, "You barely even tried! In fact, you were begging for it last night!!"

Ed, clearly annoyed by the height difference, shoved Envy backwards, "Get over yourself," the chibi snorted, "It wasn't even that great."

Oh that was _it_!! Best chance at the Philosopher's Stone or not, chibi-chan was going down. _Nobody_ called Envy's sex bad!

To Be Continued…


	5. Odd New Emotions

_Gomen!! I didn't mean to not finish the story! And I didn't mean to leave you all hanging or anything like that! My family took a week long vacation to Niagara Falls and I don't have my laptop yet and there were no computers there that were reasonably priced to use and I'm so sorry!!! But I'm back now. And I did manage to finish writing out the rough paper copy. SO I CAN FINISH!!! YAY!!! Ok…I'm done now._

_Usual disclaimer and warnings and stuff. Enjoy everyone!_

"You little whore! You wouldn't know good sex if it slapped you in the face!!" Envy then marched over to Ed, wound up, and did just that. His slender hand made forceful contact with Ed's left cheek, making a very satisfying sound as it did so. "And for the record," Envy snarled, "It just did."

The flustered homunculus then spun on his heel and walked over to the open window. But it wasn't just anger he was feeling; there was something else, something unfamiliar to him, something that made him want to…cry. Scoffing at his own weakness, Envy set his foot on the windowsill and prepared to leave. Before he could do so, however, a large but gentle metal hand caught his arm.

"Envy," Alphonse pleaded, "Don't be angry. I'm sure nii-san was just…frustrated."

Was this kid trying to comfort him? Nobody had ever done that before. It felt…weird. But in an almost good way. Ick. All these foreign emotions were making him gag.

However, the frighteningly tender moment was broken by a more than unfriendly automail punch to Envy's gut. The homunculus buckled over, gasping for the air that had been so cruelly knocked out of him.

"That's for slapping me," Ed snorted coldly. The alchemist then dug his hands into Envy's hair, pulled the homunculus upright, and kissed him passionately. As they broke apart, Fullmetal added, "And that's for offending you."

Envy blinked stupidly, "I'm sorry, what?"

Refusing to meet Envy's gaze, Ed stared at the far wall. Blush horribly evident on his cheeks, the alchemist muttered, "I didn't mean what I said. The only reason I said it was because I was mad." Ed's face darkened a shade as he sputtered the last bit as quickly as possible. "The sex was amazing."

The shape shifter stared in shock for a moment before laughing outright. He couldn't help it. Ed's face, his reaction, his embarrassment, all of it, was adorable. Envy was almost tempted to forget the plan. But he couldn't; he wouldn't. It's not like Ed meant anything to him…did he?

"Stop laughing at me!" Ed snapped, pushing Envy gently, clearly wary of the open window behind the homunculus.

Envy cut off what he could, but a broad teasing smile remained on his androgynous face. "Look," he said, "I really do have to go. I have things to do besides you."

Blushing furiously at the implication, Ed frowned and replied, "Fine with me. But if you pull any funny stuff, I _will_ kill you."

"You think that chibi-chan," Envy mocked.

"Wait," Al interrupted before Ed could explode over the nickname, "You two still hate each other?"

The two in question stared at the other. Finally, Envy said, "I wouldn't call it 'hate' anymore. We're just…highly suspicious and not to fond of one another."

Al was obviously confused. "I don't get it. Neither of you trusts the other one, and neither of you are 'fond' of the other, but you have sex with one another?"

Huh. Envy hadn't really looked at it that way. Put so simply, what the homunculus was doing was pretty damn close to rape. But it couldn't be rape if the other person involved wanted it, could it? Then it was just casual sex, wasn't it? Not that that was much better.

Ed was tripping over words, no doubt as shocked by the blunt explanation of their 'relationship' as Envy was. "Well, Al, I wouldn't…I mean…we…I…he…it's not like…we don't exactly…ok so maybe…agh!!!"

Sighing, Envy perched on the windowsill and said, "Well, kids, I'll leave you to work this out. I've got other and better places to be." And without waiting for any kind of response, Envy dropped from the window, sifting to his soldier disguise. It was time to call Lust.

Back in his room, Envy picked up the phone and dialed the number without hesitation. Lust would still be there and, with any luck, Sloth would be too. Then he could hopefully get his paperwork in order.

Lust's cool voice came alive at the other end of the phone. "Who is this?"

"What, no 'hello'?" Envy replied sarcastically.

"How's the plan going?" Well, she certainly didn't waste any time.

Envy snorted indignantly. "Well, I'm in and unsuspected so far," he answered, "And I have easy access to chibi-chan's room."

"Have you seen him yet?" She was so callous about the whole thing it was irritating.

"Yes, I've seen him." Envy rubbed the bridge of his nose between two fingers, forcing himself to be patient.

Muttering something to someone else, she asked, "How long do you think this is going to take?"

Envy frowned. That was a good question. When they were having sex, Ed seemed compliant enough. But aside from that, Fullmetal seemed more than a little hesitant. All things considered, the plan would take a heck of a lot of lying and emotional manipulation. But how long that would take was up for debate.

"Are you still there?" Lust questioned impatiently.

Frown deepening, Envy scoffed, "Of course I am. And I can only be here for a couple of days unless Sloth and Pride get me some proper transfer papers."

Lust sighed heavily. "Didn't we tell you _not_ to go as a new soldier?"

"Look, just see if you can get me the papers. If all goes well, I shouldn't even need them."

Snarling slightly, Lust warned, "Don't get used to telling me what to do. If you fail, you're not going to like the consequences."

Before Envy could complain or retaliate, she hung up. Cursing into the now dead line, he slammed the receiver down and threw himself on his bed. Fine, let her threaten him. The hell he cared. His main concern was Ed.

As he thought about what he was doing to the small alchemist, Envy felt something unfamiliar; guilt. Why? It's not like he cared. He didn't even know he _could_ feel guilt. Deciding it was just a passing thing, Envy rolled onto his side, tucked his arms beneath his pillow, and settled on going to sleep early. After all, if he planned to be done in his two guaranteed days, he'd be spending a _lot_ of time with Fullmetal after hours.

To Be Continued…


	6. Giving In

_FINAL CHAPTER AT LAST!!! Just like I usually do, I'm gonna give a quick shout out to the person who manages to make me smile with every review they post. Thank you _indigo's ocean _for all your undying support. You've always had a sweet word for me. Also, many thanks to _Black Haiyate _for sticking with me and being there for every story I've managed to crank out. Let me just tell all of you, who have done the wonderful thing of adding my story to your favorites list or watching myself as an author, I couldn't be here without you. I wouldn't be able to find my inspiration to finish anything. Thank you all, for all your wondrous comments and supportive…everything!_

_Ok, enough with the mush. I'm sure I know why you're all here, so I'll get to it. You may find that it's a bit more drama than humor at this point…but it's hard for me to get out of the drama angle. :P Here it is; the outrageously long (at least for me) last chapter of Alcohol and Love. _

Envy was awoken by a knocking on his door. Cursing under his breath, he got to his feet, checked that he was still in disguise, and moved to open the door. It was probably just Sloth with his papers anyway. She could have waited for morning, the inconsiderate woman.

Pulling the door open, all the vicious comments he'd prepared died on his lips. Instead of Sloth, or even some lowly soldier playing delivery boy, there was Ed. The chibi's normally braided hair was loose, falling in golden waves across his shoulders. No coat – or even black jacket – covered the alchemist's usually hidden black tank top. Forget the vicious ones; ever word Envy knew had died.

"Can I come in?" Fullmetal asked, eyes elsewhere.

The homunculus gathered his hormonally scattered thoughts and saluted quickly. "Of course sir!" he replied. After all, Ed _couldn't _have known it was him.

Ed continued to keep his eyes averted as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. For a moment, an awkward silence fell between them, broken only by Envy's occasional shuffling. Then, practically out of nowhere, Ed threw his arms around Envy's neck and kissed the stunned homunculus forcefully. So much for chibi-chan not knowing.

Caught off guard, Envy hadn't been ready for the extra weight and stumbled backwards. The shape shifter's right hand groped frantically behind him in search for some means of stability while his left hand held the alchemist in place. Unfortunately, the desk – which had been the only piece of furniture close enough to have helped – was to his left, and both Envy and Ed hit the floor, hard.

Envy gasped sharply, breaking the kiss off as he stifled a cry of pain. On the other hand, Ed nuzzled against Envy, wrapping his arms tightly about the homunculus.

"Drop the disguise," the alchemist breathed next to Envy's ear. "I saw the form you chose when you left this afternoon."

Ok, so this was now officially getting _really_ weird. Since when did Ed make the advances? Since when did he, _Envy_, feel helpless and flustered? And since when did this sickening feeling of guilt torment him like it was? He hadn't even initiated this one! Why did _he _feel bad?!

Shifting back to his more androgynous appearance, Envy muttered, "Ne, chibi-chan, what are you doing?" He _hated_ being the one asking that question.

Ed sighed and rested his head on Envy's chest. "I need to ask you something," the alchemist answered, "And, well, maybe I should have asked _before_ we wound up on the floor."

"No, really?" Envy snorted derisively.

"Shh!" Ed scolded, "If I don't say this now, I never will, and I'll hate myself forever for it. I…I just need to know that…that you're serious."

Envy was still confused, but refrained from vocalizing said confusion. He didn't particularly like being 'shh'-ed. It was demeaning. So the shape shifter settled on staying quiet.

The alchemist continued, clearly undaunted by Envy's silence and words seeming to come easier. "Al and I talked about…us well after you left. And it occurred to me that this – that what we have or do or whatever – could just be some twisted game. I need to know that what you're doing is you, not the others."

Envy couldn't bring himself to say anything. He had to lie, he knew that. If he didn't, the plan was shot. But something stopped him. It was as if, with Ed lying so vulnerably on top of him, all of Envy's clever lies and heartless tales had hitched in his throat. All the homunculus could manage was to lick nervously at his dry lips.

"That's what I thought," Ed scoffed bitterly, getting to his feet, "This whole thing has just been another one of your disgusting attempts to manipulate me. Well I'm not biting."

Was that pain Envy heard in the chibi's voice? Why? And why did it hurt the homunculus so much?

But Ed carried on, managing to choke out one final threat. "Now get out before I kill you. You know I know how."

Envy scrambled to his feet and stumbled after Ed, catching the retreating alchemist's shoulder. "Chibi, wait," he said before thinking.

The alchemist spun around, automail flashing to life as it was transmuted into Ed's favored blade. The weapon nicked Envy's throat, drawing a thin cut that bled slowly. Ed's golden eyes were liquid fury, pain all too evident. And that pain wrenched at something deeply unfamiliar to Envy; his conscience.

"I said _get out_," Ed snarled, his blade held dangerously close to the shape shifter's throat.

Ignoring the imminent threat to his life, Envy did something he'd never done before. He told the truth; all of it. "Listen to me, ok?" the homunculus retorted, "Yes, what I did last night was because of the others. I got wasted and wound up doing a lot of stupid things. And yes, the reason I'm here now is to con you into making a Philosopher's Stone for us. I'd never even _fathomed_ doing anything like this to or with you. Never. It was all someone else's idea." Envy then grabbed Ed's metal arm, ignoring the cutting pain that shot through his slender hand, and pulled the alchemist into a fiery kiss, pouring out passion Envy didn't know he had. As they broke apart and Envy gave Ed's soft lips one final lick, the homunculus whispered, "But that was entirely my doing. And so is everything to come."

"Don't screw with me," Ed mumbled, attempting to retain his anger, "I'm just a pawn to you. You're just using me."

Running his hand through Fullmetal's hair, Envy kissed Ed's throat with every word he breathed. "Not anymore," he purred, "And never again." All the pain – the sorrow – that the homunculus had seen in Edward's face had destroyed Envy's hateful barriers, had torn down all of his emotional walls, and left him feeling raw and exposed. He'd fallen in love. Ever one of those foreign feelings, those emotions he'd ignored, those moments he hadn't understood, were leading him to this. And for this feeling, Envy was willing to throw everything away. To Hell with the plan; to Hell with the others; to Hell with Dante; to Hell with it all. All that mattered was this moment.

Ed gasped and gave in, the blade altering back into the young man's right hand. The alchemist tilted his head back and held Envy tight, as if to let go was to die. Envy swept Ed up in his arms, carrying Fullmetal to the bed, all the while kissing at the chibi's flushed face. As the fell back onto the comforters, the homunculus made short work of Ed's shirt and pants, leaving the alchemist in not but those adorable boxers. However, as Envy went to shift away his own clothing, Ed bit down on the shape shifter's shoulder, successfully distracting Envy with the sudden shot of pleasure and pain.

"No cheating this time," Ed panted, dragging his lips across Envy's, "This time, _I_ take your clothes."

Envy blushed, but didn't argue. Ed had never been so eager before, and it was really quite the turn on. The homunculus surrendered his clothing to Fullmetal's nimble hands, groaning low in his throat as the alchemist keenly teased each newly exposed area of skin with his fingers. As Ed finished, Envy snaked his tongue into his chibi's mouth, pleasure racing through his body when Ed eagerly partook. However, as they parted to breathe, the phone began to ring.

Ed stared at Envy and then the phone and then back again. Licking his kiss swollen lips, the alchemist mumbled, "You should answer that."

Snorting in mild disgust, Envy answered the phone irritably. "Who is this?" He sounded like Lust.

"It's me Envy," Sloth's calm voice responded, not at all bothered by Envy's angered tone, "I have your paperwork ready."

Envy paused for a moment before smiling. "Forget the paperwork," the homunculus answered, "And forget the plan. Actually, you know what? Forget it all. Just pretend like it never happened. I'm done." And with that, Envy not only hung up the phone, but disconnected it as well.

"That was the other homunculi, wasn't it?" Ed asked, frowning slightly.

Kissing Ed fondly, the shape shifter whispered, "Who cares?" Envy then moved his lips down Ed's throat, along the alchemist's collarbone, and across his chibi's chest. Latching his long fingers on the elastic of Ed's boxers, Envy tugged suggestively at them and purred, "Now, where were we?"

----

Sloth stared in subtle disbelief at the dead phone in her hand. Had Envy _really_ just hung up on her? How rude.

"So?" Lust inquired, one dark eyebrow raised.

Sighing heavily, Sloth returned the phone to its rightful place before she responded. "He says to forget it all and that 'he's done'."

"You owe me fifty dollars, Sloth," Lust smiled.

The homunculus in question pouted slightly as she dug in her purse on the table before them. "I don't think this should count," Sloth complained softly, handing Lust the money, "He never said he was."

"Oh? So you think he's just staying and disregarding everything for fun?"

Sloth sighed. "I really didn't think this would happen."

Tucking away the money, Lust beamed, "We just have to accept it. Envy's in love."

-END-


End file.
